These Advice given by My Father Which Saved Me as a Brand-New Father

"I believe I was simply just surviving for a year."

Former Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the challenges of becoming a dad.

Yet the reality quickly proved to be "completely different" to his expectations.

Serious health issues surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was forced into acting as her chief support while also looking after their infant son Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, each diaper… each outing. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

Following eleven months he reached burnout. That was when a conversation with his own dad, on a park bench, that led him to understand he needed help.

The direct phrases "You're not in a good place. You must get some help. What can I do to help you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and find a way back.

His situation is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. Although the public is now better used to talking about the stress on moms and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the difficulties new fathers face.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan believes his challenges are symptomatic of a broader failure to talk between men, who often hold onto harmful ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and doesn't fall every time."

"It isn't a sign of being weak to ask for help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to accept they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - most notably in front of a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental state is just as important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the space to take a pause - spending a couple of days overseas, away from the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he needed to make a shift to focus on his and his partner's feelings alongside the practical tasks of caring for a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -physical connection and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has changed how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son to better grasp the vocabulary of emotional life and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen was without stable male guidance. Despite having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, profound difficult experiences meant his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says repressing emotions resulted in him make "terrible choices" when younger to change how he was feeling, seeking comfort in alcohol and substances as escapism from the anguish.

"You find your way to things that don't help," he explains. "They may briefly alter how you feel, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Tips for Managing as a New Dad

• Share with someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, tell a family member, your spouse or a counsellor about your state of mind. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the pursuits that made you feel like you before the baby arrived. Examples include exercising, socialising or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the physical health - eating well, staying active and if you can, resting, all contribute in how your emotional health is faring.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - sharing their journeys, the difficult parts, along with the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Understand that seeking help isn't failing - taking care of you is the most effective way you can support your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the death, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead give the stability and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - managing the frustrations in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they acknowledged their pain, altered how they express themselves, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… processing things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I wrote, at times I think my role is to teach and advise you what to do, but actually, it's a exchange. I'm learning just as much as you are on this path."